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AHHHH...   
06:57pm 15/11/2005
 
mood: blah
116-117 in the morning.
around 120 at night.
g0d.
i'm working on it.
but i leave for florida on saturday!
and i look like Shit!
=(

*Sigh*
another trip with me looking fat in a bathing suit! =/
o well.

at least i get to skip out on the cold wheather. b/c the wheather SUCKS balls!
i hate the coldness!
anyways.

the 1st quarter is over and i did ok. i guess.
5 A's
1 B
1 C
*sigh*
that C is just getting me d0wn!
report cards come home saturday. so lisa won't see my stupid C til after florida. but still.
i hate it.
This quarter i will do better!
i HAVE to do better!
=(

anwyays..
i g2g
there's homework to do!

BYezz...
 
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*sigh*   
05:45am 14/10/2005
 
mood: t0rn!
hm.
so.
Sg was h0t the ohter nite.
and "woot. Woot" f0r no skool yesterday or 2day.
but i had work =/

i worked a lot this week.. means.. a lot of money f0r tina!
=)

yep.
so0o.
i went to the mall last night with tyler and my friends.
but of course. tyler can't hang ou wiht my friends, b/c he feels akward so that put me in a weird psoition in which i ended up just leaving everyone for tyler.
and now. 2day he wants to chill. but not till 2nite. and i said this afternoon, BUT
he said never mind
*sigh*
y does this shit have to be so hard.
i mean, i love tyler and all. but these are my friends and i just want to have fun.
*Sigh*
and then i feel like such an ass when he gets mad/ upset for me choosing my friends over him, and him acting like i blew him off.
g0d.


.....T!na.....
 
     Post
 
M0ther FcuKin FroLic'Er.   
10:28am 04/10/2005
 
mood: blah
I Went to SouND GArden last night and danced by muther fcukin ass off..
or should i say FroliC'Ed.
That Shit is Fun As HEll!
=P

2 day i filmed a video 2day for my pysch class. i 10 minute film took 5 damn hours.. lol but it's all good, cuz we had fuN!

And i don't wanna go to skool 2morrow
=(


<3 T!na
 
     Read 1 - Post
 
Just g0 Ahead a Slit My Troat.. it would be less painful.   
04:54am 22/09/2005
 
mood: disappointed
This whole, me n0t getting into NEw Players really had me at a complex.
i didn't think i would care so much, but i hear peopel taking about it everyday, and worse, i have acting class with the fucking director daily.
*sigh*
plus, everytume, i walk into the little theater i get this anger inside me. i don't know if it's b/c of my money, or just b/c i didn't get a part.
fuck.
even the damn exchange student got a fucking part in the first play.
the rest of the cast lists go up prob the ned of the day 2morrow.

u know, i never acually looked at the casting for this first play, b.c i was to mad about not recieveing a call back. =/

and kids in my acting class bring it up. i try to ignore them,a dn secretly get amd at them. how pathetic am i?
i can be just do dman spiteful at times.
=/

but yeah. it sucks when u think ur gonna get something, and then u don't.
i tryed not to get myself excited about this shit, but i did, and now i am hurt again.
i usually tend to be good with keeping it calm, but idk. i just really fuckign wanted to be in this theater program.

Can u beleve it.. that some girl acually came up to me, and said " u knwo u were good right, but u'r not one of us"
wow.
now, all that shit i heard about it being a clut.. i'm startign to beleive!
even with that being said, i'm still bummed out.


anways.
isreal started skool 2day. i had to show him around and shit.
gaay..
but yea.
anyways.

titantic made me cry last night.
damn it's been so long since i've seen that movie
LoL, random, but wtvr.


i'm d0ne f0r n0w!



~~~~~
 
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Ahh.   
07:29am 20/09/2005
 
mood: aggravated
i'm still fucking pissed about my money.
i filled out a theft report and what not. but there is like no chance of ever seeing my money agaiun!
*sigh*
and to make matters worse.
i didn't even get a call abck for new players which really pisses me the fuc off.
Aggh..
yea. i was so stressed all morning, that i litterally got sick to my stomach.

h/o

i just got a phone call from an acting agency and they wanted to set up an appointment to meet with me..
ok.. i guess this can't be so bad.
but yea,

anways, but to what i saying.
skool sucked.
yep.

i just got home from getting my nails done, the stupid guy fucking cut my skin and it was bleeding and it still fucking hurts.
*Sigh*
but the women there, was like "omg, u've lost weight, you look so good"
LoL. i haven't really lost much. but wtvr, she can think what she wants. Plus, it made me feel good for a split second out of this miserable day!

*Sigh*
Well, i have to go do work. and figure out a way to get out of dinner.

<3 T!na
 
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09:54am 19/09/2005
 
mood: pissed off
WoW.
i just had the worst day...
new players auditions.. where someone stole 65 bucks from me!
god. i could kill some one.
and
then my sucky job.
i just got home.
only to hear the parental bicthing about it's all my fault about the money.
well she can go kill herself, b/c now i have to type up a stupid english paper, whichj isn't even finished yet!


*Sigh*




Well, at least all this stress has allowed me to stay going on empty all day.. if u know what i mean!
wish me luck to keep this up!

<3 T!na
 
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=/   
06:56am 15/09/2005
 
mood: blah
lalalala....
i'm still fat.
i have a lot of homework to do.
and i already miss tyler even thogh he only left my house liek a n hour ago
=/

well.
yea. my life's boring, so not much to update on.

*Sigh*

<3 T!na
 
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*sigh*   
11:49am 13/09/2005
 
mood: tired
Why the fuck am i so damn fat?

*sigh*

It makes me sick. every time i look at my fucking stomach!
=(


yea..
and i have way to much skool work. and i haven't yet ajusted to having to do it all.
=/

also.
i finally got paid fr0m sound garden which was cool as hell!
=P
60 bucks for doing jack shit.. just handing out fliers!
=) yep. yep

i have a double lunch tomorrow which is being spent at renato's and i have to stop at the bank.
yep.
i'm goign to bed. b/c i forgot my book i have a test on tomorrow in skool, so i'll be in skool at 7 am 2morrow morning.
so yea.


<3 T!na
 
     Post
 
ahh.   
10:02am 12/09/2005
 
mood: uncomfortable
drugs r bad.

i d0n't do drugs..

but.. gr..
i get cravings.
and i needto uphold my straightedge thing.
*sigh*

i need strength to keep clean!

oh..
and btw.
i think i'm getting sick =/

hm..
i gotta go do my hw..

l8er
t!na
 
     Read 2 - Post
 
*sigh*   
03:44am 08/09/2005
 
mood: busy
Skool Sucks!

Yep.
i have so much effing work to do already and it's only the third day =/

Well,
i'm off to the dentist and then i have to be to work by 5!

2morrow is me and tyler's 3 month anniversary, and we have a half day at skool.
so we r gonna goto the mall, then to the g-field show to see the # 12
=P

yep.

<3 T!na
 
     Post
 
...   
10:54pm 01/09/2005
 
mood: tired
I g0t my LIScence on Tuesday.
it was so unplanned. b/c i didn't even go practice once since i failed the first time =/
but yea.
anyways. i have it and that's that.
omg. i saw d0m at the DMV. i t was so0o awkward. =/
but yea..
anyways.. i'm leaving f0r work n0w..
and i'm leaving f0r camping after work!
-p
so i'll update when i return!

<3 t!na
 
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=/   
11:06am 29/08/2005
 
mood: blank
i just g0t back fr0m florida late last night.

i finally saw tyler, and his new haircut!
=P
it was adorable!

hm.
i went ot the movies 2day. saw broken flowers.. n0t what i expected but good.
yep.

hm.. ihave a seminar to go to 2morrow.
and work on wensday.
and i was suppose to work tomorrow, but i can't
and they want me to work on thursday night, but i can't and they want a good excuse, and i can't just tell that that i have to go to the club.
but i do.
i missed last week, and this is the last summer one. so yea.
idk what i am going to say.
hm..
i g0t payed 2day.
g0d, i love having money. it feels so good.
god, i've never has this emuch money that i earned. it feels really freaking good.
YEp.

wow. skool i starting soon, and i am not ready at all.
god. a wekk and a half..
No0o....


hm.. camping trip this weekend.. h0pe it doesn't rain. and h0pe it's not too h0t or to cold.
maybe it will be just right, but then again, is it ever?
*sigh*

i'm d0ne f0r now.

_t!na_
 
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WoW.   
11:09am 12/08/2005
 
mood: bored
I've HAd thSi stuPiD life JoUrnal F0r a lil over 2 fucking years.
that's crazy!
i never keep up anything this long.
ok, fine i don't update here regularly anymore, b/c i have nothign to update.
my life sucks
so yea. what is there to broadcast about it?

yea..
that's all.
 
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*Tears*   
11:04am 12/08/2005
 
mood: drained
I Failed My DriVIng TEst 2Day!
=(
I'm Am Really upSet aBoUt it, so don't bring it up.
please!
The Sad thing is, i knew how to do my k-turns and parelell park n shit. but idk i couldn't back up staright =/
and i had one fucking crappy turn.
god.
i'm so mad.
but hm.
i went down the shore 2day with tyler.
mad ppls from my skool were there which was wierd.
=/
hm.
i'm uber tired.
i've got work 2morrow morning.
and warped tour on sunday!
=P


<3 T!na
 
     Post
 
yea.   
01:39pm 21/07/2005
 
mood: bored
So.
My 17th b-Day is in 2 weeks from 2day!
=P
I Can't Wait!
Well, i GUEss i Can. b/c I'm Not reaLly DoIng naytHIng Exciting, But Wtvr!
Hm..
My SuMmEr hAs Been going good so far, i think.
i was at wildwood all last week and i had a blast!
AnD i'm going to PA 2morrow. But Just for The day, i think.

I've BEen going to Shows, the mall, to ClUbs, and just chillin at random ppls houses ANd In t0Wn.
Everything a summer should be!
=P
BuT I'm Still BOreD!

tHEre's NevEr AnY VarIEty In My StEp!
And It KINDa SuCks.
IKNOw I KNow. I cAn't ExPect To Do soMEthing NEw eevryDay. But i Want my sumemr to be adventurous, But it is not at all =/

tell me this isn't crazy=
Lisa doesn't want me to get a job, but she hates giving me money!
gawd, she says we go away to much, and i guess that is kinda true, but wtvr!
I'm still gonna get a job if one comes my way, b/c i need the cash.

Ok.. I Just thoUGHt i WoUDL UpDate for ONCe.. LoL.
B/c I HArdly Ever DO it these Days =/
WtVr.


<3 T!na
 
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It's been awhile   
01:52am 26/06/2005
 
mood: sore
wow.. it has been a long time since i typed in this livejournal, but wtvr.
skool is finally out and i am happier then anyhting.
hm..
i'm so achy and sore b/c i did this fundraising run yesterday which killed me.. but i managed to run just about 5 miles..
it was crazy.
um.. and 2day i got my nails done. then i went to the city and saw billy graham. i'm soory to say, but it was a bug dissapointment.
o well, i saw bill and hilary clinton and that was interesting.
aghh.. it's like 2am and i have to get up for church in the morning.
so i'm gonna go to bed n0w.

i'm goign to Creation on Wensday.. Ic an't wait!
acually i think we r leavign on tuesday night.. either way, i can't effIng wait!

=P


Alrite.


<3 T!na
 
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=/   
10:08am 28/05/2005
 
mood: disappointed
I should eb camping right now, but lisa didn't want to take any chances and make me sicker b/c of this shitty weather. =/

I'm so gonna absence outta like most of my classes,
hm.. i have chem on the line along with photo, health, and now spanish.
wow.. this sucks!
=/
anways.
I Din't get into peer counseling..
I KnOw this doesn't sound like a big deal. but to me, it is!
i really want to be able to lead freshmen focus and shit. i love helpign me out. god.
this sucks. and also this would have looked amazing on college =/
but in all honesty. i enjoyed freshmen focus.. most other kids didn't. i wanted to make it so it was enjoyable to everyone!
but now, i don;t have the fucking chance b/c i got my letter home yesterday =/
*siGh*
At first it didn't faze me.
then later last night i saw the letter on my desk and realized what that meant.
=(
i like just broke down and started crying.
idk..
rachel saw me and she was like wtf.. it's not that big of a deal
but she so insensative b/c she knew i really wanted this.
she doesn't understand my motives. but i do!
and i'm still pretty bummed about this.
*siGh*

my Day was gOing So well.
But nO.. Tina CaN Never have just one good day.
why? B/c my Life sucks like that =(


~DiSsAPpOIntEd T!Na~
 
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So0o..   
02:58pm 26/05/2005
 
mood: sick
BILLY IDOL WAs LEGENADRY!!

That was a nIgHT I will NEvEr ForGEt.
HE is The hotTEst 50 y/o That I HAve Ever SeEn
WoW..

SO0o tHIS PASt WeEk AHs BEEn PReTTyu Damn GoOD..
UnTiL lIke Now.

HEre..
FriDay- PArty HARDy At RAcHel c's HoUSe.
And I Was So DruNk.. LoL.. I LOVed It. I Slept oVEr..
SatURday- ShoPpIng In THE CItY.. Was A BLASt.
MAd Shit.. BAgs And GAlssEs and CLOthes.. and Omg So MUCh Fun.
Then Me And Rach c Went into ToWn At NigHt.. And It Was Alrite.. I gUess. BeTtEr Then SiTTing AT Home..We Wree GoUnnA Go to A PArTY bUt We HAd No RiDe HOMe.. And we Ween"t GOnna ChanCe It.
So. HSe CamE Back Over to my HOUSe and SlEpt oVer And SO DiD BARry(a Family Friend)..
I PAsSed Out MAd Early though.. I Felt Bad But Wtvr..
SUNDay.. No ChURCh. THAnk God..
I weNt to a B-Day PArty FOr sean's BroThe rin the aFTErNoOn.. It wasN't all THAt Bad..
LoL.
And Um..
That BriNgs US to moNDay.. And Teh AmZiNg BilLy IDoL ConCert!
OMg I LoVed It!
It Was so GreAt.. ME in The CIty. ANd Lisa Knew AbOut it and AllOWed it.. B./c She TruStS FAHAd.
anD so YEa Its mAd COOl.
I HAd A bLAst..
And i DiDn't GEt HOme uNtil LiKe 2 am.
Lol.
Um..
TUEsDay.. RegULAr Day.. SkOol.. Therapy WIt Renne.. the usual.
And Then
WensDay- Skool... PhysiCal Therapy.. THen a "pArty" At My HoSUe for FAHAd.
it was Fun..
I Sae AmAMnda FiNAlly And ChArlie ANd nICoLE..
And Cici And joAnna Cmae and I MEt This Kid AnDrew.
And FAHad Was So SuRpRiSed and hAppy.. I Love it.
it was so priceless..
times like that make giving all worthwhile! Know i kNwo hOw Lisa Feels.. MAyBE a LiL.
Yup yup.
Now. it thursday. and i left skool at 11 b/c i'm sick as a dog/ ad it sucks
i'm suppose to be going campign tomorrow and i'm bringing mad ppls so i have to come thru.
so i had better get better like NOW!!


*siGh*

I'm GoIng BAcK To Bed..





But Before i Go I would Liek u All To KNow-

THAT BILLY IS MY FUCKING IDOL!!!
=P






~DyIng T!Na~
 
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AppliCatIoN!   
12:37am 23/05/2005
 
mood: bored
Fill it out, ill get back to you asap.

1. Your Full Name: Christina MArie Swankie

2. Hair Color: black and blonde

3. Eye Color: brownish black

4. Favorite Color: black, brown, or green depends on my mood

5. Do you smoke: =/yea

6. Do you drink: a lot

7. Do you like Day or Night more: night

8. What in a relationship is most important to you: trust and honesty ( b/c the go hand in hand)

9. Are you a romantic: most deffiantly

10. Do you get jealous: yes, quite often

11. Dogs or Cats: d0gs

12. Where would your dream vacation be: Like CanCun Or the baHAmas

13. How many times have you had sex: A Lot

14. If I were to ask you out right now what would you say: LoL

15: Favorite Movie: Donnie Darko

16. Romance Comedy or horror: depends on my mood

17. Are you (in your opinion) Cute Hot or Sexy: none stated

18. Whats the shortest relationship you have been in: like a day

19. Dirtbiking or Candle dinner: candle dinner

20: What the most spontanious thing you have ever done: I'm pretty boRing

21. Most Embarrassing moment: oh god.. i pissed on my pants like 2 years ago... long story ( not in my pants.. on them)

22. Most age diffrence between you and someone you have dated: like 3..
23. WEIGHT???way to much =/
 
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Ah..   
10:11am 18/05/2005
 
mood: bored
Skool IS So BOrning.
I Hate Being HEre.
I Cut This PEriod yesterday, and ow i wish i had cut it 2day, instead
=/
*SiGh*
Yup, So
Tuscarora blew just as expected, and um.. i'm so glad i'm home.
and monday was cool. mad people came over.
mike and rob and josh and joanna and cici and fahad,
yup yup
mad people, and mad fun. and lisa wasn't even home which was really cool.
it sucked b/c i had to go to physical therpy and i have to go again today.
and yesterday.
i had real therapy with renee. gay..
and um.. i cleaned my room and the laundry room. and um..
i went out to eat and put the ac in my bedroom, so now people can acually chill in my room with out passing out from the heat. ANd LAst night, i got dropped of in town with rachel to go job hunting.
i applyed to like 5 or 6 places. and i have an interview at this environment place 2nite at 7pm and the rest of the places are goign to call me when they decide but a couple of the places said that they won't be needing peope untilt he end of the month or maybe even when skool gets out. grr.
i need a job now.. right fucking now!
Aghh.
I Need money. and i hate haveing to work, but i guess i have to if i really want money
yup yup
so0o..

Me and dom talk.
and it hurts.
idk if it hurts him, but o god, it hurts me. and i miss that kid terribly and i love him to death, and i just wish we were allowed to be together.
i wish things were easier. Like life.. it shoudl be much simpler.. and then me and dom would be together and happy.
Sometimes i just want to run away and leave all this mess behind.
i've asked him to run away, but he doesn't see my reasons
he says he has no reason to run away, now. awhile ago he said if he had a car or even a good place to go nad stay.
but now. .he told me, yesterday, that he doesn't know if he would ever be able to take me back, b/c i dumped him and i hurt him. and he doesn't want to put himself in that position again.
*siGh*
i totally understand. and that is y i didn't want to take him back when he dumped me the last tiem, but of couse, i did. b/c i'm weak. i'm a weak, weak loser who just could'nt withstand the temptation.
*sigh*
i guess he is smarter then me
when i brought up how i took him back.. he responded with "i'm not you"
good answer.. LoL
but yeh.. it just hurts, ya know?
*sigh*
i love him.. i really do.
and i miss him terribly.
but he hasn't changed. and he probab;y never will. and how can i ve with someone who i am never allowed to see or suppose to talk to.
i hate lying to lisa, and when i was with dom that was all i was doing.
but...
Og goD.
i Just don't know anymore.
this sucks
it really does.
ok.. so
i think he might go to the mall to see me on friday. i hope he does, b./c i really want to see him, but i don't want there to be any trouble.
*sigh*
alright.. i'm off to find something else to do..
maybe something productive.. or ot
=/



~T!na
 
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